I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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