I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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