everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
