Got a toothbrush?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
