Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
