I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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