I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
