Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
