Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
