Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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