6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize