Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
