dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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