WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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