You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
