Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
