idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
