WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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