then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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