i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Shame is for Republicans.
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