Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A+ Viking dick
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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