I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize