I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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