We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
