She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
vagina is talking i cant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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