ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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