I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
