a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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