Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
