I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were trust falling into bushes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
