Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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