i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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