I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
