The maid of honor just puked.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
