i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
