sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
