i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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