so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
