So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
