oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
