btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
