Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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