I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
