Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
