I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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