eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
