My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
