another moral hangover. fuck.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
