she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
