there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
