Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
