he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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