New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
