This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize