Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
