She's JV to your varsity
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
