I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
