im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
