I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
