My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
