i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
