After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
