she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
