so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
