I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
