Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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