I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
