my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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