Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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