You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
