I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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