to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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