I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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