They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
