So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
