So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
