It's Friday. Sex?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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