Acid is not a monday night drug
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
