do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
