New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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