Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
