as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
