dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
