Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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