You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
