So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
