I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
