cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Two words: nipple clamps
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