I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
