WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
