my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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