i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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