my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Couch. On fire.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
