I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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