The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize