I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
