Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
