When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
