that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
