they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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