You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
