i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
