I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
